Benkenobi

“Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new…, all the time, made new…”

We think that the hardest thing in a relationship is finding the right person. After that, we fall in love and live happily ever after, right? Those in a relationship know all too well that fairy tales are only true in the movies. The truth of the matter is that having and maintaining a relationship is not easy. The rate of divorce tells us that love is not enough; other factors are needed to keep a relationship going.

Communication problems are a major source for relationship problems. People in most cases just do not know how to talk to each other. Usually, the couple has spent years arguing, fighting or even avoiding problems, but the inevitable occurs, someone reaches the end of their rope. Loss of trust, confusion over whether we still love each other, fights all the time and the inability to agree on anything are some of the cues to recognize that a relationship is having serious communication problems. Many times a child’s misbehavior and conduct problems at home or school are directly related to a couple’s inability to communicate.

Many times the couples had a deficit in one or more of the essential ingredients needed to cook up a great relationship. I don’t want to mislead anyone, love is important to a relationship. It is the catalyst that gets the whole thing going, but the following are ingredients that keep the love alive and the relationship healthy.

TWO MATURE INDIVIDUALS

A mature individual is defined as a person who has a sense of self. He/she is able to recognize that both members in the relationship are different. They are able to see that each has a different heritage, a different way of thinking, feeling and possibly different beliefs. The mature person is able to recognize the I, Me and the Us in the relationship. With all the differences in personalities, thoughts and feelings, it’s a wonder that we got together in the first place.

Without the element of maturity, a couple can get all messed up just because they lose themselves in a relationship. They can become jealous, dependent, resentful and distant. All of which can erode the reason the couple became a couple in the first place.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS

The ability to tell each other thoughts, feelings and wants is so important to a relationship. Good, open, and honest communication is like oil to a car. Without oil in the car, internal parts will burn up and the car will be ready for the scrap pile. Communication is important!

There are no mind readers. For a relationship to grow and prosper, likes, dislikes, desires, hopes, dreams and problems need to be said. If a couple’s communication is restricted, the relationship is destined for major problems down the road. We take cars for oil changes to keep them going strong, why not seek a professional’s assistance to change our communication patterns in order to keep the relationship in tip top shape just like our automobiles?

THE ABILITY TO CHANGE

Relationships are not static. They are ever changing. If they become static for too long, they can become extinct like the dinosaurs. Relationships go through a life cycle: the honeymoon, with children, mid-life crisis, the empty nest and the reacquainting period and then death of a spouse and the end of the relationship. All of these stages require change, learning and exploration of new territory. If one or both members in the relationship becomes rigid and resistant to needed changes the relationship could end in divorce. In my opinion, one of the major reasons that couples end in divorce is because they were unable to change to meet the new needs and demands of the relationship. One or both were unable or unwilling to make the needed changes to keep the relationship growing; as a result, the relationship died. Change we must, it is part of the human condition. If it was not, we would all still be infants in diapers.

ABILITY TO COMPROMISE

The ability to compromise refers to an individual’s willingness and proficiency at finding the middle ground. Being able to compromise is a sign of maturity. It is also needed in any relationship. If one person always gets his/her way, the other person is bound to feel dominated, and resentful. These negative feelings can rip the heart right out of any relationship. Finding the happy middle can provide the best of both worlds… giving and receiving. Sharing the last dish of ice cream with a friend is always better than eating it all alone, isn’t it?

A WILLINGNESS TO WORK TOGETHER

A relationship is like a business partnership; it has common goals, assets and liabilities. Like in a business, if members don’t work together, the business will become ineffective and possibly not exist for too long. The ability to work together means recognizing each person’s strengths and helping them come out at the same time recognizing each member’s weaknesses and learning to turn weaknesses into assets. Two heads are better than one and if couples follow this rule, they will see that the deep depressing valleys that lie ahead may be nothing more than pot holes once they approach them.

KNOWING WHEN TO BACK OFF

Every one needs room to breath, room to sort out their own thoughts, feelings and problems. If someone is always hanging on you, there is a tendency to want to push them off to reduce the burden of carrying them all the time. Providing individual spaces gives any individual the ability to see things more clearly.

SUPPORT AND TRUST

One of the benefits of a relationship is that we will have someone in our corner to support us and to affirm our existence. This support adds to the trust that is needed in any relationship. Without mutual support, a trusting relationship will not develop. Each member must have its emotional needs met in order to continue to invest in the relationship. The continued support and the being there for the other person emotionally is the way in which trust is developed. If a trusting relationship is cultivated and maintained, the ability to try new adventures and take new risks are enhanced. A supportive trusting relationship outside of the bedroom always increases the activity in the bedroom.

LOVE, HUGS, KISSES AND LOVEMAKING

The open expression of feeling in any relationship is vital to the continued growth of the relationship. Lovemaking should not be overlooked in a relationship, but it need not be the only ingredient that exists in a relationship either. Lovemaking is the icing on the cake and it gets there by mixing all of the above mentioned ingredients.

Good lovemaking starts outside of the bedroom. If you want to increase the frequency and intensity of your lovemaking, try to increase the frequency and intensity of your communication, willingness to work as a team, sharing of self, being kind and supportive, give space and freedom to explore individual interests. All of these ingredients will add to the makings of a fine, wonderfully iced cake.

A WORD ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

If you are in a relationship and are experiencing some problems and don’t know what to do, a trained professional can provide you with:

• Support
• A listening ear
• Directions
• Guidance
• Communication Training

You owe it to yourself and your mate to find answers to your struggles. Remember, no one is trained on how to have a great relationship, so we are bound to run into problems.

A friend told me about handphone codes quite a while back, and out of the blue, i got curious again and googled "secret code" and came up with tons of searches. So i narrowed it down to my phone model. "Nokia 3330 secret codes" and here are some interesting stuff i found.

Nokia 3310 Secrets (Same as my phone actually, just that the 3330 has enhaced software)

*#06# : Checking the IMEI (International Mobile Equipment Identity)

*#0000# : To view Software Version.

*#746025625# [*#sim0clock#]
Checks if the sim clock can be stopped. SIM clock stop is a kind of stand-by mode which will save battery time. This code doesn't work with software version 4.59.

*#92702689# [*#war0anty#] takes you to a secret menu with 6 choices :

1. Displays Serial Number.
2. Displays the Month and Year of Manufacture (0997)
3. Displays (if there) the date where the phone was purchased (MMYY)
4. Displays the date of the last repair - if found (0000)
5. Makes you capable of transferring user data if you have the gear for it.
6. Shows how many hours the phone has been on Latest software version.

*3370# : Enhanced Full Rate Codec (EFR) activation. It will automatically restart.
#3370# : Enhanced Full Rate Codec (EFR) deactivation. It will automatically restart.
*4370# : Half Rate Codec activation. It will automatically restart
#4370# : Half Rate Codec deactivation. It will automatically restart

xx# : xx position in Phone Book. Ex.11# will show the number stored in the 11th position of the Phone Book.

There are lots more actually, just took a couple of minutes to get these during my break in-between work assingments :P

Yeah, well anyway apprently some of the codes are international standards, it can therefore be used on other models and makes as well...

What a 3330??? U mean people are still using that model... Yeah, i've got a damn old phone, which is actually not mine... (It's on a loooooonnnnng term loan from a "friend". He eventually said, "hey u can trade the phone in if you want to, I dont need it anymore"). Hmmm which makes me wonder if i should be changing my phone anytime soon... Even the previous owner dont want it back anymore (poor phone).

Here's how the 3330 look if you guys need a refresher...:P



Mine's the silver wan...

Well some other conversation i've had on this 3330.

Was looking for a plastic cover for the beautiful phone of mine and decided to ask a stall at the SS2 pasar malam, they din have it. And a friend mentioned the model so old, how to find accesories and no wander got no girlfriend. Well she was joking "I think" but anyway is it really true does a state of the art phone really draw in the "chicks". Hmmm... makes me wonder....

Well here goes, have been using a photo taken when i was 19 as my blog profile. It's time to realize my denial and admit that i'm no more 19. :P

Here are 2 recent photos of me from a trip to Genting.


A photo of me from the right hand side...


If you're not convinced enough, here's another photo of me from the left hand side...

How do I look? Still 19??? :P

I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality...

I wanted to quit my life.

I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.

"God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"

His answer surprised me...

"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"

"Yes", I replied.

"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds,

I took very good care of them.

I gave them light. I gave them water.

The fern quickly grew from the earth.

Its brilliant green covered the floor.

Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed.

But I did not quit on the bamboo.

In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.

And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed.

But I did not quit on the bamboo. He said.

"In the third year, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.

But I would not quit.

In the fourth year, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed.

"I would not quit." He said.

"Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth.

Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant...

But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.

It had spent the five years growing roots.

Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.

I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."

He said to me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been
struggling, you have actually been growing roots"

"I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you."

"Don't compare yourself to others." He said.

"The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern.

Yet, they both make the forest beautiful."

"Your time will come", God said to me. "You will rise high!"

"How high should I rise?" I asked.

"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.

"As high as it can?" I questioned.

"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."

I left the forest and bring back this story.

I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.

He will never give up on you.

Never regret a day in your life.
Good days give you happiness;
Bad days give you experiences;
Both are essential to life.
Keep going....